People

I have made mention of my fear of people in a recent FaceBook post and someone questioned me on this thinking it was odd because they think I am one of the friendliest people they know. I like to think I'm friendly. I do like people or rather the idea of people. I like hang out and talk and eat and drink. I love to discuss religion and philosophy and books and movies and music. The problem is I see people trying to always advance themselves somehow, and one of the oldest and easiest ways is by knocking other people down or using them. I also find that I get together with someone and all of the sudden the conversation is sports. I don't despise sports and if I have to I can even watch some, but the absolute obsession we collectively seem to have just drives me up a wall. I also will find myself with judgemental people. We are all judgemental in many ways so I don't want to sound hypocritical, but I get very uncomfortable when I start hearing such judgements. It is amazing to me the damnation people cast down things that are truly truly trivial. The soul is so much more damaged by intent than situations and I do not like confrontation so I just listen and can't wait to get away. Then I try to just avoid meeting anybody new for fear of the same situation. I also don't like the way people are in groups, they feel comfortable enough in their group to start attacking people around, outside of the group. People just seem to have a mean streak, but maybe I'm just paranoid. I'm big enough that I suppose I can be intimidating to see coming so a defensive posture is already up and I get that vibe that scares me and others don't. I really need to work on this.